GOP cements it's adherence to it's losing party line

From the NY Times, a memo is being circulated by top GOP leaders to clarify their conservative agenda.

"According to the resolution, any Republican candidate who broke with the party on three or more of these issues– in votes cast, public statements made or answering a questionnaire – would be penalized by being denied party funds or the party endorsement. The proposed resolution was signed by 10 Republican national committee members and was distributed on Monday morning. They are asking for the resolution to be debated when Republicans gather for their winter meeting."

Here is the resolution’s list, with my explanations in red for clarity:

(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama’s “stimulus” bill;

[We hate socialist programs like street cleaning and education. We prefer wiretaps and wars.]

(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run health care;

[We are in the gauzy pockets of big pharma and big insurance. It's cozy.]

(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;

[We are in the hot slick pockets of big energy. Smell those profits?]

(4) We support workers’ right to secret ballot by opposing card check;

[We support making it as hard as possible for workers to unionize, which is good for ... um ... EVERYBODY, right?]

(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;

[Despite Regan's signing of the largest amnesty bill in US history, the new Republican is now more terrified than ever of brown people. Even if they believe in Jesus.]

(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;

[How can anyone not love the ROMANCE of our boys and girls shipping out over and over again to maintain an ineffective "calm" in the middle east? It's SO AMERICAN!]

(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;

[Diplomacy is for sissies, creating generations of America-haters is much better for the future of the Military Industrial Complex.]

(8) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;

[Gay people are immoral second-class citizens. Now where's my Grand Theft Auto? I want to simulate beating women and shooting cops.]

(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion;

[We're scared of death, we're scared of choice, we're scared of change, and to protect ourselves from all this . . . ]

(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership.

[You'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands. Or the hands of my cold dead child. Or the hands of a cold dead innocent bystander. Or the hands of a tax-paying terrified cold dead Iranian-American shopkeeper. Or the hands of a cold dead social worker. I could go on.]